How To B.S. Your Way to a Seven-Figure Book Deal

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How To B.S. Your Way to a Seven-Figure Book Deal

By: admin

By David Hirshey

1. Basic literacy is a plus, but not essential.

2. Write a novel about a magical world filled with one or more of the following: dying high school students, bondage enthusiasts, murderous wives, or drifters who solve crimes. Or: Write a one-paragraph nonfiction proposal about your hideous childhood, drug addiction, sex tape, or years as president.

3. Never use the word "literary" in your proposal. Publishers know that means selling five thousand copies -- at most.

4. Assume the reader/editor/publisher suffers from attention deficit disorder. Don't be shy about using large print or blank space between chapters as a "design element."

5. Write a "selling blurb," attribute it to a best-selling author, and wait until after you have a book deal to ask permission to use it.

6. Don't seek out the most accessible editor at the publishing house. The easiest person to reach has the least amount of money to spend.

7. Act needy and insecure -- it's the only way a publisher can be sure you're a real writer.

8. Cite successful comparative titles in your proposal. Writing a book about organic bodybuilding? Sell it as "a cross between Hillbilly Elegy and The Handmaid's Tale."

9. Don't have a track record. If a publisher can check out the pitiful sales of your last book, you're looking at a low-five-figure deal.

10. Reconsider. Are you sure you want to write a book? Why not just land a TV deal based on your Instagram feed?

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